Dear Reader; an apology

My Dearest Reader,
  It is to you that I write this letter of sincerest apology. I am sorry for not having my novel done yet for you to read it. I'm sorry for keeping this book from your hands and your heart. I'm sorry for not sharing the message of hope in a way that you will connect with it. You have to know that I feel terrible about it.
  It's easy for me to make up excuses. To say, "I'm not a writer yet", or "I'm really busy" are statements that haunt my thinking. I think I feel unworthy to share with you or to write out this story, but the truth of the matter is, I have been called to write this. God will share this message with you and for some reason He chose me to write it down. He chose my family, my past, my feelings to be the catalyst for the message.
Will you forgive me?
Here's my promise to you. I will do better. I will carve out time for writing. I will put the thoughts and ideas and messages God gave me into a space where you can reach them. I promise to pray for you as you read, because I hope that your life will be changed for the better.
Thank you for understanding. I'm so excited for what the future holds. I look forward to meeting you and sharing in your life.
Much Love,
Amy

There Once Was a Boy...

  I know this boy. He has beautiful eyes. I mean, really beautiful. Exquisite actually.

  One of the things that he hates is inefficiency. Everything he does is goal oriented and he makes sure that all of his efforts are focused on completing the task at hand as quickly and easily as possible. Today I asked him to re-do some work. He was respectful, and ready to be compliant, but tears welled up in his eyes. Those extremely gorgeous eyes became glossy with the sheen of water. Now, because I know this boy and because I am his teacher, I'd like to say that I maintained a solid, unwavering approach to the beginning of what would be tears. But I cannot say with total honesty that his wet eyes left me unaffected.
  They made me stop and think. In this case it was a good thing.  Was what I was asking necessary? Was it the most efficient use of time and energy? The answer was no, and it wasn't because of tears.
  I will however say a word of warning. This boy, with those eyes, and the heart for getting things done? Watch out ladies! One glance and you won't know what hit ya!

Guest Post

  I get so excited about opportunities to share my words with other people. That's why I started blogging in the first place. I started this blog years ago to be able to share the things that I was learning each day. I'm so glad I did. As a young mom, everything was new and I needed a space to be able to process and know that I was not alone. The life of a stay at home mom can be a lonely place. As your kids grow up and the schedules fill with activities your kids become more independent and responsible. This is exactly what we want. It seems I have a lot less free time to myself these days, but I'm okay with that because my kids have also filled a lonely void. They are so much fun to hang out with that I don't feel that loneliness that I did when they were little. Don't get me wrong, I still need my mama friends, but the conversations that I have with these pre-adults are engaging and encouraging. I think that's why for a season my blog tapered off.
I am still learning, in fact, every day is a new lesson, but I don't have the same burning desire to feel normalized now.
  With all that being said, I still get excited to share my words which brings me to today's link. Life, Abundantly; a space for blogging about the crazy life of a home school mom! My guest post should be up on November 8th. Hope to see you there!

Too Busy

I'm a busy mom.
I've got three kids that I home school and boy do we stay busy. Our school situation is different this year. I am participating in a co-op with another mom and it has certainly blessed my busy schedule. Now, instead of being school teacher/ mom every day of the week I play that role to four of our six kids two days a week. What a gift. I have been given two days a week to plan for teaching, walk with a friend, to write, to work, to catch up on housework and occasionally go on a lunch date with my husband.
However; even on my 'days off' I'm busy, so I told my husband a while back that I needed help. I needed a way to not have to think about planning meals and a grocery list each week.
(**This is NOT a sponsored post**)
In comes eMeals
What a gift this has been in my busy life!
From an app on my phone I can choose our meals for the week and they compile my grocery list for me! Another function they have (that is unfortunately not available where I live) is grocery deliver service. The compiled list can be sent to the store of your choosing and your groceries picked out and delivered. Amazing! So far there have only been a few recipies my family did not like. Most often you can find my kids uttering "Thank you eMeals!" as they gobble up what I have made. It makes me smile.
They offer a free 14 day trial and often times have offers on Groupon so you don't have to pay full price.
If you were to scroll through my blog you'll see that meal planning is of great importance to me. I find it helps my family stick to a budget and eat healthier.
So while it doesn't exactly fit with my creative vibe, maybe another mom out there will relate to this Meal Plan Monday!

A Moment

I'm having a moment here.
 My son just hugged me, tight. I said, "I love you, son." And he responded with the typical, "I love you, too." Nothing out of the ordinary there.

But these past few days have been filled with these tender moments. He had a moment of sheer disrespect but then apologized and had a repentant heart. He slept a night in my bed because his dad is away on a mission trip and I lay listening to his breathing. He sits in the rocker, engrossed by his rubix cube and I see his mind transforming, becoming more analytical. We went on a date while his sisters were at youth group and he made conversation like an adult. My son, my last born, is growing up. While on one hand I'm really not ready to see this transition, on the other hand this transition makes me so incredibly proud.

I'm having a Mary mama moment and I need to treasure these things in my heart.

The value of friendship

I don't know if I've ever written about my experiences with friendships as a kid.  In fact I'm pretty sure I haven't.  It often times brings up some emotions that I'd rather keep tucked away.  I actually don't have a lot of childhood memories.  The memories that I do have of most things are fun and fine, so it's not like I have repressed them, but when it comes to my first memories of friends I get a lump in my throat. I wish I'd had the maturity of me at 33, when I was 6 years old so that I didn't care so much what people thought of me. I can remember being in school and needing to prove that I was strong and tough and could scare the boys away that wanted to chase my pretty friends.  I remember that I was one of the only kids that could climb to the top of the fireman's pole and so I would, and then I'd stay there as long as possible so I didn't have to play with anyone else.  I remember telling a young girl in my class that the Bible was the Truth, and she told me that her mom said the Book of Mormon was the truth.  The next day we both brought our books to school and sat down in the shade of a tree to try and convert one another.  Since neither of us were good readers (this was 1st grade) and also had no idea what we were doing, we simply argued for a few minutes and then decided that it didn't matter and went to play on the monkey bars.  I was never very good with conflict or debates.  I never felt like I fit in at school.  I was lonely. When my mom decided to home educate me and my older sister I didn't feel like I would be missing much at school.

My daughter and I in front of my childhood home.

You'd think it would have been better for me at church, but it wasn't.  Now, before I say anything else I want you to know that the girls at church were very sweet and kind girls and I still keep in touch with some of them over Facebook. They were acting the way third grade girls act and I do not fault them for that, and I take full responsibility for my own feelings in this matter.  I went to a very small church growing up and there were only two girls who were the same age as me. They were best friends.  I learned first hand where the quote "Two is company and three's a crowd" came from. There was another set of friends that were a tad bit older than I was and they had a strong connection as well. I felt like I was second best and was invited to play when one or the other was unavailable.  I tell you this only so you understand a young girl's longing for a best friend.  I saw what they had and wanted it for myself.  It's only natural, but I was lonely.

As I aged I had many friends through our group of home school friends, through ballet and through other various activities. I also had a sister who still lived at home, which I realize now fit the "best friend" role perfectly if I'd only had the maturity to recognize it! She later married and so had her own 'live in' best friend leaving me with the last year of high school as a single child! I remember it being a lonely time.  I had friends, good friends, but for some reason I was lonely.

It wasn't until my freshman year of college that God granted me the friend that I had been so desperately longing for. She is the jam to my peanut butter, the cream to my coffee, the Diana to my Anne. We had two and a half years of college together before she transferred to a school in Oklahoma. I felt like my heart was going to explode from the sadness. I almost transferred too. I remember making her a mix tape. I kid you not. It had songs that we both loved on one side, and the other side had songs like "How Do I Live Without You." Was it cheesy, sappy, and way over the top? Yes, but it was how I felt!


We have stayed in touch and this past October I actually got to spend some time with her and her family in Oklahoma. It was fantastic to see our kids playing together! She is still my "kindred spirit" and always will be, but life has us in two different places right now. As much as I'd like to say that distance doesn't matter, it does. We both celebrate our 40th birthdays this year and plan to get together at some point to celebrate in the place where it all began for us; Portland. When we are together it's like we've never been apart and I love that. I cherish every opportunity we have to strengthen one another.

Years ago when I was attending a MOPS group we had a lovely woman come speak to us about the topic "The Seasons of Friendship". It was beautiful and profound. The wisdom she shared about embracing every friendship in their seasons has stayed with me. During my 12 years in Sacramento I built deep and lasting friendships with people I pray I never loose touch with. Each of these friendships have touched my life and my family in different ways. Those friendships went through seasons as well, with patches of shallow, deep, hurt, camaraderie, closeness and turmoil.

And then we moved. We moved to a new town, new church, new school, new weather, new carrier path, new normal for everything! And once more I found myself lonely. We've been here over five years now and God has answered my prayer for deep and lasting friendships, but here's what I've learned through it all.

From the beginning, there was only one constant friend. Even now, with the beautiful friendships I've made and maintained, there's only one constant. Jesus. Jesus has taken on many forms in my life. Looking back I can see Jesus in the loneliness, I can see Him in my best friend, I can see Him in my church family, the move, the friendships He provides and the constant way He loves me.

So if you have friendships, deep and lasting friendships, take a moment to realize the value they bring to your life. Real friends are hard to find, so tell them you love them, value them and let them bless you during this season. You never know when the seasons will change.

What's On Your Nightstand?

We are a family that loves to read. I've read books aloud to the kids as a part of our evening traditions since they were babies. Now that they are older we don't get to read together as often as we'd like but the time we do get they cherish and so do I.
I've been posting to Instagram and Facebook recently regarding my recent reads. I'm usually more of a "brainless novels" kinda gal, but recently my husband wanted to dig into learning about the enneagram. I love that he challenges me to better myself and our marriage by reading.
I thought I'd share with you today a photo of my nightstand and the books that are residing there for the time being. From the bottom up they include:
RealSimple, a good magazine for simple inspiration from recipes, to organizing to decor.
Freedom of Simplicity by Richard Foster. This book challenges the spirituality behind living simply.
Kindness Journal by Candace Cameron Bure; it's a journal with spaces for three kind things you did each day with weekly tips on how to spread kindess.
The Road Back to You by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile. This book is fantastic for an introduction to the enneagram. If you're not familiar with the Enneagram or need a lighter not so heavy beginning to understanding how to type yourself this is it.
The Sacred Enneagram by Christopher L. Heuertz. I'm only a few chapters in on this one but having read The Road Back to You, I'm enjoying the depth this book is providing into the sacred spirituality found in understanding yourself. We are all reflections of the Creator and this book explores how our numbers work together to show the awesomeness of our God!

And here is the stack of library books we checked out for our read aloud. We LOVE the "Soup" books by Robert Newton Peck. When we borrowed them from the library a few of them hadn't been checked out in nine years! If you've never read any of these books we highly recommend the lighthearted tales of childhood from Rob's memories of shenanigans with his friend named Soup.

Happy Reading!

What's on your nightstand?